Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
