Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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