the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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