you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
