Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
