He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
