I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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