I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
