i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
