I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
