hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
