i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
