I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dicks are not precious.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
