At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
