my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
