He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
