they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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