he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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