not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
