what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
