I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
