So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
