had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
