Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
