i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
