We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
