Your dad touched me again.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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