my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
