It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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