Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
