In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
