That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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