You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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