the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
