she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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