I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
