Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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