I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
