Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
