In the future we'll all be gay
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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