if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
