fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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