I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
