2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My dick has a subreddit
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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