New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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