I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
