I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
