so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
