I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We don't watch enough power rangers
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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