The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
